Daughter refuses to pay for dad's 70th birthday party after sister fails to include her in the planning, gets the silent treatment from family in response: ‘I'm biting my tongue’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Mar 30, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

There are birthdays, and there are big birthdays, and we all know the differences between the two.

Your 19th birthday, for example, is not a big deal. It's a pretty mellow age, without any major or life-changing moments, which can also be said about the birthday celebrations themselves. Your 21st birthday, however, is a huge deal. Once you turn 21, you are officially and undeniably an adult, which is also an undeniable cause for celebration.

The older you get, the more 'big' birthdays become scarce, until you only go all out once you complete a decade. And by that point, the responsibility to organize those celebrations falls to your children, who have to figure out what is the best way to celebrate your big day.

Naturally, those birthdays tend to create some family drama, because planning is not an easy task, and people are bound to disagree with each other on every little thing. Plus, these celebrations tend to be quite costly, and that's always a recipe for family disaster.

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  • It seems like the family in the story below is no different, as their feud regarding dad's 70th birthday is a classic family drama tale. We'll let you read the story for yourself and decide who is right and who is wrong. All while hoping this feud won't mess with the dad's big day…

  • Cheezburger Image 10485794048
    via Monkey Business Images

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • "AITA for refusing to finance my dad's 70th birthday?"

    My dad is turning 70 in December this year and it's almost April now. My sister and mum have made all arrangements without asking for my input/opinion, etc. 2 days
    via WorldlyHumor6342
  • after we returned from my husbands 40th birthday holiday overseas, my sister requested $500-$1000 to contribute. Side note: none of my family sent so much as a
    via WorldlyHumor6342
  • message to him with birthday wishes. I politely advised it wasn't in our finances as we have many big milestones this year. My sister went silent, and
    via WorldlyHumor6342
  • I eventually asked if she was still there. She slowly said she was and that she was 'biting her tongue' so as not to start an argument with me. I then
    via WorldlyHumor6342
  • cheerily said 'ok, goodnight' and hung up... AITA? Thank you for your perspective, dear internet
    via WorldlyHumor6342
  • empathy10 More context please.... are you geographically close to one another? Have you had any convos with them on your dad's milestone b-day at all?
    via empathy10
  • WorldlyHumor6342 OP The 1st convo was: 'we're planning a big party for dads 70th in December. Please contribute $500-$1000, I'll forward bank account details soon'. My reply 'I'm not sure but will need to
    via WorldlyHumor6342
  • talk to hubby 1st'. 30 mins later 'have you talked to him yet? What's your thoughts?'. Reluctantly 'I will let you know'. It's been hard to get info from them since. We are close with dad both geographically and relationship
    via WorldlyHumor6342
  • Chaoticgood790 You can't railroad people into an expense. When doing a group gift I always ask people what is in their budget
    via Chaoticgood790
  • WorldlyHumor6342 OP Funny thing is, they're asking all guests to contribute $10 towards dads gift.......
    via WorldlyHumor6342
  • WorldlyHumor... OP Context: the holiday was a cheap 10 night Asia one, in which we got strapped for cash that we skipped meals. We scrimped and saved for 9 months prior. My husband
    via WorldlyHumor6342
  • decided how HE wanted to celebrate his milestone and we made it work. Dads milestone is worth celebrating HIS way, which is not mum and sisters vanity party. No other guests are being asked for this amount
    via WorldlyHumor6342
  • contribution that we are aware of. My family arranges things like this about 6 months out, not this far. I did politely advise my sister that it was not in our budget that we could see. There will be further conversations on the
    via WorldlyHumor6342
  • matter. We intend taking dad out for the celebration that he wants. Dad is leaving all arrangements and finances to mum and sis.
    via WorldlyHumor6342
  • Absent Picnic What exactly are they planning that costs how many $1000's?
    via AbsentPicnic
  • WorldlyHumor6342 OP Hire a nice hall, pay for catering for 30-50 guests, bar tab...
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  • Happy Birthdru
    via Swagath Mohan
  • MisaOEB NTA for saying no. Believe me, having organised loads of "special aged" birthdays, you come up with ideas and ask for feedback and budget limited before
    via MisaOEB
  • coming to final decisions etc. So how they have been doing it is not good and you're entitled to your no. However, it's not clear if you were aware of the plans before the request for money.
    via MisaOEB
  • Because if you were, you should have given feedback in advance say this sounds expensive, I might not have the cash etc. Also, are you willing to contribute anything? You
    via MisaOEB
  • don't have to, you can always not get him something or get him something outside of what the others want to do. But how you ended the call may cause hurt.
    via MisaOEB
  • Younggod9 NTA They made all the decisions without you so they can cover the costs without you. It's not your job to fund something you had no say in
    via Younggod9
  • especially when they couldn't even acknowledge your husband's birthday. Their poor planning isn't your emergency
    via Younggod9
  • Thyres76 NTA. You if they cook it up without you they gotta accept if you don't wanna chip in. BTW, what a range, 500 - 1000? This by itself is very fishy IMO. Don't let them guilt trip you.
    via Thyres76

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family drama aita kids birthday mother birthday party siblings reddit story parenting family sister daughter Reddit money women parents children Father
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